by Keesha McMillian

"...Do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4 NKJV

 How can we save our children? What can we do to help them? What am I missing? These are questions I often hear while providing therapeutic intervention for children and families. Parents, grandparents, foster parents, family members and friends of the family want to know how to save our children.

To save our children, we must first save ourselves. Children look to their parents or guardians and their community to provide them with love, safety and security. When a parent or guardian is unavailable to provide children support due to their own life circumstances, the child seeks feelings of love, safety and security from other sources.

As a society we must make an effort to show value and respect for life by eliminating racism and classism. Also, the messages we send to the public through government policies and procedures must actively demonstrate the importance of life. Actions speak much louder than words, especially to children and those individuals in the pits of a Struggle.

Nurture Strong Values

 Parents are the first humans to he recognized by children and have the natural ability to plant seeds of strong values within children. Whether the child is still in the womb, has just entered the world or is several years old, parents' actions determine children's development.

Reinforce the idea that the child is special and wanted. As a parent, it's your job and role to discipline and guide, and it's the child's job to learn respect and prepare for the future. Let the child know he/she is linked and connected to you and that you and the community are anxiously awaiting, expecting and believing that he/she will accomplish his/her goals, because of the foundation and cultural values he/she will receive – unity, determination, cooperative  economics, collective work and responsibility,  faith, creativity, purpose and respect.  

Open communication between parents and children fosters collaboration and a level of respect. It is never easy for parents to hear disturbing news about a child or someone they love, but it is important for a child to feel that he/she can share information with his/her parents (and/or other close elders) and not feel judged or degraded. Children thrive when they receive understanding and direction. Positive attitudes help them as they develop and grow. Verbal reinforcements such as, "We love you. We are teaching and preparing you to go forward," and "You are capable and worthy through God's grace," strengthen children and the family unit as a whole.

 Parents should not allow a child's straying to affect how they teach them. Regardless of a child’s age, he/she may occasionally abandon the parental training and guidance he/she received from their parents. I am reminded of a Bible verse which offers advice for parents and communities. Proverbs 22:6 NKJV states  "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." With all training, its effectiveness depends on the interaction that occurs between the instructor (parents) and the students (children).  

In addition to being teachers, parents should consider themselves to be farmers. It  is their job to plant the seeds of strong morals and self-worth in their children and to watch over them as they grow. Through it all, they should believe that their teaching is not in vain.

Keesha McMillian, a licensed child and family therapist, is the author of God’s Greatest Treasure and four other interactive children’s books.

Top of Page